Guys, I get it. Babies are cute. Us ladies are hard wired to feel this (though that might be a matter of debate for another time, given my status as mother of two somewhat furry, feline babies myself and having no plans to change that any time soon!) However, there is nothing more awkward than the inevitable show-and-tell of a new office infant.
So for anyone who, like me, is less than comfortable with the offspring of others, here are my top 5 things to say. Because you have to say something nice. Apparently.
- “Aren’t you a little heartbreaker?”
This works particularly well with parents for whom looks are not their main sell. - “Oh he/she is just PERFECT!”
For the ultra competitive Mum. Probably works in Business Development. - “Wow! I love those dungarees. Wish they came in my size!”
Works for every office’s token hipster, who is insisting on raising their child gender-neutral and vegan. - “They’re such a good mix of both of you!”
Valuable when you’ve been coerced into socialising with other halves in tow, and they’ve been bickering since you got there. - “You must be so proud!”
To be used for the child for whom you just KNOW this statement will someday be used ironically.
And in true Mrs. PJ fashion, a few NOT to say (from bitter experience, ahem)…
- “I can see you in him, but not much of your husband?”
- “Wow! It’s so HAIRY!” (an attempt to say “what a great head of hair!” which seems a common thing to say amongst breeders, but came out wrong. Very wrong. Not helped by child being blessed with the ginger gene.)
- “No, thank you.”
- “Children produce too much fluid for my liking. Does it produce a lot of… fluid?”
- “God, it’s massive.”
In light of my past failures when trying to be enthusiastic towards the fruits of my colleagues’ loins, I’ve started to take a new stance: keep my distance and suddenly become engrossed with my work. After all, they can smell your fear…
TTFN.
Mrs. PJ x
Paper Jam in Tray 3 